Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin “The One Or Nah”?

Heyyyy Jesus,

Seems like God is a little busy so I figured I would talk to you.

Well today was the wedding of “the girl”. You know “the girl” who told me no man would wait for me, yeah that girl! You know I had to go to the wedding to be nosey and see if her future husband had some cute, saved, and sanctified groomsmen, which he didn’t, so disappointing. Any way I have been trying to reach your daddy, and ask him if my file got lost or something, so I figured I would give you the scoop, and maybe you can help me.

So Jesus, while I am walking out from the wedding, here comes Mr. Fine. I mean this man walks over to me smelling like the fragrance of your glory, and looking like your daddy created him straight up in His image. He walks over to me and He says “Nikea, right”? Oh my goodness yo, he knows my name, I am screaming inside!! (Not realizing I had a name tag sticky on my shirt that I forgot to take off) “Ummm yes hi, how are you”? He says, ok, ok, ok this is my favorite part Jesus, “I am better now that I see you.”

The little girl inside of me was flipping, doing jumping jacks, flips, kicks, and everything else, but my Spirit was real quiet. Jesus, before I could say anything else, here comes 3 little girls, probably around the same age or maybe 1 month apart screaming how did we do, how did we do? You guys did so well! Daddy is so proud of you! “Awwww how old is your daughter I ask”? Kay boo is 3, Laylah Bay is 3 1/2, and Macy Mase is 4! “Oh are they cousins or something”, I ask? “Nah little lady, they are my kids!”

The little girl inside of me stopped jumping up and down, and I began to rehearse my prayers at home. God, I want a man with no kids, but hey I love kids, so it’s all good, I will adjust, no big deal. “Who is she daddy”? “Oh sweetheart this is Ms. Nikea, isn’t she pretty”?  If you say so she said! Excuse me, I have on 3 girdles, and I spent good money on this indian hair, and my make up was on fleek, little girl starting off real wrong Jesus! “Well go sit inside sweetie, daddy will be there soon.”

So Jesus, people tell me God doesn’t always give you what you want, sometimes He gives you what you need. So I was like clearly these girls need a great role model in their life, and maybe my assignment is to be a mom to them, no big deal.

So I ask, “Do you go to church”? He says, “aren’t we in one now”! Ummm what does that mean? Yes or No I ask him. He says, “Look I am the church isn’t that what the good book says”? So Jesus I again go back to my prayer that I prayed, and I did ask for someone who went to church, and loved God with all his heart, but all he needs to do is visit my church, and maybe God sent me to him, to show him the way and bring him back to salvation, no big deal I will adjust.

So little mama, can I get your number? Pause******Jesus, I thought for about 2 seconds WWJD, and you didn’t say anything, and next thing I know I am putting my number in his phone. As I am typing the number in his phone, I am saying to myself, maybe my standards are too high, and the man I desire just doesn’t exist. I just have to adjust Jesus. I feel that I just have to accept what I can get at this point, and believe that it is all going to work together for my good!

Well Jesus I am out! Til we talk again!

#MBV

Let me say this, there is somebody for everybody, and I believe no matter your past, no matter your mistakes, you are still worthy of awesomeness, and God has the perfect man for you. For me, I knew what MY prayers were, and I knew what I would and would not compromise on, and salvation was one of them.  Unfortunately, I would adjust my desire because of my lack of faith and my impatience! I have been waiting this long, and nothing is happening, maybe I am asking for too much I would say. The crazy thing is that I saw all the Warning Signs and chose to ignore them, and then have the nerve to blame God after I got hurt! I saw before he walked over to me, he had just finished talking to 3 other women. I saw that he stared at every booty that walked in front of him. I saw that when he talked to me, his eyes never looked me in my face. I saw that when his phone rang, his ringtone was so vulgar! Unfortunately, I over looked all that because I saw that he was a loving dad, and I would say, well he loves his kids, and he seems like a great guy, I can make it work, but I knew in MY heart, he was not the one!

Psalms 139:16 says: You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. God knows what you desire, and He has not forgotten you so don’t settle!! There are some great, amazing, real saved men out there. I had to realize that my steps were ordered by the Lord, but when I started making my own moves, that was when my life got real craaazzzzyyyy. I had to trust that God knew where he was taking me, and once I allowed Him to take the lead, that is when I ended up stepping right into my future hubby’s life.

The crazy thing was that my husband was right under my nose. We had known each other since we were children, and never ever thought about being together, but God had a different plan. Once I truly trusted God, and took my hands off it, and my husband truly surrendered his all to God, we saw each other again. When I saw him, I didn’t even recognize him, but, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was my husband, and he knew I was his wife. It was definitely a God thing! He had so many qualities that I desired, and real talk it scared me. I was like this is too good to be true. To top it off, my virginity did not scare him off whatsoever, and he appreciated all of who I was! When it’s God, the relationship will not feel forced, it will just flow!

Ask yourself is this relationship bringing out the best in me or the worse? Am I changing for the better? Am I being challenged to grow even the more in my walk with the Lord, or is this relationship taking my focus away from the Lord? Is this person pressuring me into doing things I told God I wouldn’t do? How can a man love you like Christ loved the church if he doesn’t have a relationship with Christ?

Don’t get so caught up in the wedding, that you forget about the marriage. So many females I know just want to have a wedding, and then once the dancing and partying is over, they have to go home with this man that they jumped into a relationship with just to have a fairy tale wedding, and end up divorced because they came to their senses. Anyone can have a wedding, BUT what does their marriage look like? Marriage is work, and don’t think its going to solve all your issues either. If you aren’t a complete and whole woman, then you need to deal with you first. Maybe God has not brought him to you because he’s still working on you! Like I said before, you want the prize, without the process. Let God work on you, and you become a better you. You don’t need a man to feel validated, honey validate yourself. You are a Child of the Most High God, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are set apart and worth more than rubies. Girl know who you are, and know that you serve a BIG God, and He has more for you than you can think or imagine! Live your life, and don’t get so caught up in a man, you have the best man ever! Let him mold you and shape you into being the BEST you!

Let me leave you with this, Galatians 6:9-And let us not get weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not! Don’t faint, but keep standing strong! STAND (Simply Trust And Never Doubt)  Stay Encouraged Loves!!

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Then and Now!!

Thank you Jesus, we have come a mighty long way!

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3 thoughts on “Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin “The One Or Nah”?

  1. Nikea these blogs are ministering to me right now. Making confirmations on what God has finally sent me and letting me know I’m not the only one who thought the same thoughts, and I don’t have to be ashamed of talking myself into things I knew better than. Keep the blogs coming! Love you sis!

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