Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin “My Way or God’s Way??”

Dear God,

So now, you want me to move? I have been living in VA forever, and now you are telling my parents to start a church in MD? I hate moving, and I don’t want to go! Why would you send us there? Don’t you know I am waiting for my Boaz out here? I just went to visit a church, and I met a nice guy, and now you want me to move? He could be the one! Why do I have to go? You called them to start a church, not me! Why do I always feel like you have to take me on a roller coaster emotional ride? I am so tired of my emotions going up and down, and up and down, and up and down again. Are you trying to test me? What is in MD? Absolutely nothing! All of my friends live in VA, my family is in VA, my sister, my nieces, my nephew, my church family, my life is here, and now you just want me to up and move and leave all this behind? Dude, are you kidding me? I am not going to go. I am going to just stay with my sister and brother-in-law, and be convenient and comfortable. I am so happy you called my parents to ministry, but unfortunately it will just be a party of 2. I hope you understand!



Here I am in church singing ‘Order my steps in your word dear Lord, lead me guide me everyday”. Yeah what I should have sung was “Let me help you, order my steps in my way dear Lord. Let me lead, and guide myself every day, because I don’t know where in the world you are taking me.

Let me tell you, once I finally decided to get out of my feelings, and move to MD, guess who walked in the church for Mother’s Day on a Sunday ………………….ok, ok, I will tell you, my husband! God saw what I couldn’t see, and He set the whole thing up, and said, all I wanted was your YES! I am that girl who has to be in control of every situation, and while walking this walk with God, I realized I was going to get absolutely no where doing that.

Sometimes we get so comfortable in our own ways, and in our own thinking, we miss what God is doing. We try to figure out if I go left, what is over there? If I take 2 steps to the right God, what’s going to happen over on that side? Can I get a clue? Can I call a friend? Can you just give me a glimpse of whats over the hill God? Let’s look at some examples of the YES Lord Club: Abraham take your son up yonder, and sacrifice him! Hey David, kill this giant with a rock and a sling shot! Hey Noah, build this ark even though it hasn’t rained in years! Poor Joseph, his dream turned into a nightmare! He was thrown in a pit, sold, lied on, put in prison, and then his dream came to pass. What if his brothers never sold him? What if Joseph never ended up in prison? He would have never got to his promise. He went from the Pit, to the Palace, which was his Promise!! We serve a make no sense kind of God. All He wants is your YES! These men said YES, even when they didn’t understand why.

Will it be your way or God’s way? Who said God’s way would be easy? Nobody told me, the road would be easy, but I don’t believe He’s brought me this far, to leave me. I will never leave you nor forsake you, even when you don’t understand the process, He is there with you!

Psalms 147:5- Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure.

Isaiah 55:9- For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your WAYS my WAYS, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my WAYS higher than your WAYS, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

When I look back over my life, all I could say was, I am so glad I said YES!

2015-03-28 12.12.25

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