Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin “Too Good To Be True”

Dear God,

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, Oh my goodness! Ok, let me holla at you for a quick minute, go get Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I need all of your ears and attention! So, here I am God, picture it, mother’s day, at church, minding my business. Dad was preaching his sermon, There’s Victory In Shall Be’s House”. Whatever You said in your word, it shall be, and we can bank on that! As dad was doing the benediction, in walks this man that looks exactly like the man I saw in my dream a year ago.

God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, don’t play with my emotions now; if this is my husband, all I can say is y’all out did yourself. It was like I had seen him already in the Spirit, and he was manifested in the flesh. Dude walked in with his suit on, light skinned, nice shape up, and just perfection in my eyes. My niece said, auntie, he is cute. I said ain’t he, but I was also speechless! Then my reality set in; he probably got a bunch of kids, and a girlfriend with a side chick. On the inside, I felt like my Spirit man was having a party! I felt like something in me was like that’s him! Nah, nah, nah my mind couldn’t wrap around this day actually happening. The day I see my husband face to face, oh what a joy that would be, I would say. You know Jesus, how people say the day when they see you face to face, yeah that was the joy and excitement I had. So, back to what happened, dad was doing his 3rd I am about to close for real benediction, and I know y’all saw me get on that mic and sing my heart out! Oh yes, ya girl did her real good singing that altar call. I was hitting high notes, and runs like nobody’s business. I know, I know, I was all flesh, forgive me for that, but I was trying to make a good impression.

So, after service I was going to walk up to him, but I saw my mom talking to him, and I hope y’all heard me pray, please God don’t let mama run him away! Mama did not play at all, and I looked up and she was laughing and I felt like that was my opportunity to walk over to them. Hi mom, great service huh? Nikea, you remember Ryan, Ms. Janet’s son, your friend T’hai’s brother? Hold up Jesus, I remember Ms. Janet’s son, but he ain’t look like that, and he was always doing things to get in trouble, but my, my, my has he grown! Oh my goodness, do you remember me? Nikea? he said yeah how are you?

God, I stood there staring like, I am good now! I said, oh I am great! What have you been up to all these years? You know school and just living and learning he said. I feel like I have wasted so much time in my life. I have truly surrendered my life to God, and realized I have not done half of what He has done, I have work to do for the Kingdom he says. God, in my mind I was like somebody catch me, I am about to fall. But did he just try and use the Christian playa line, shoot it worked ok!

Then he says, I am having a graduation party, and would love for you and your parents to come to our house. Of course, we will be there! Awesome, well I will see you then, I am about to take my mom out to celebrate mother’s day, but I will see you soon. As he walks away, my Spirit still was doing flips, and all I could do was say, God, is this too good to be true? He probably got issues! He probably a player just like the last dude! He probably left his kids some where and he broke because he paying child support! There has to be a catch God; this is just too good to be true!

So here I am alone, needing to talk to all 3 of yall! I need you God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to know that I am tired of doing things on my own. I am tired of jumping in bad relationships, and getting hurt over and over again. I want this to be you and only you. I want you to order my steps, and if this is my husband, show him I am his wife too. Allow him to see you in me, and allow him to see that my heart is fragile and not something to play with. God, if he is not the one, then show me that also. I just want you to be pleased with me! Now if you wanted my opinion or vote in the matter, I vote YES, YES, YES, YES, YES! But, not my will, your will be done, but if you see fit to let your will, and my will come in agreement on this, I would be forever thankful! Ok, I am done for real! I love ya’ll forever and ever!

#MBV

Let me tell you guys about God! He will do exceedingly, abundantly, above more than you can ask or think. In that moment, I wasn’t concerned about a man. I wasn’t even thinking about a man during this time. I was still processing my brothers passing away, I was traveling and singing, and I had just said God I surrender. The crazy thing was when I first met my husband, he did the same thing. He got to a place in life where he surrendered his all to God, and He wanted to just do what God wanted him to do.

Matthew 6:33 says: Seek ye FIRST, the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. What are you seeking FIRST? Are you like me, who was seeking the man first, and all that was added to me was heart break, and disappointment, or are you truly seeking God, and allowing him to take the lead? I am telling you, you can get so much further with Him, then you can without Him! Don’t give up on God, because He won’t give up on you! He’s able!!

The hubby and I way back in the day, and then now! Didn’t know what God’s plan was, but who knew my childhood headache, would be my life long friend!

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2 thoughts on “Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin “Too Good To Be True”

  1. Omg! I came back to re-read this post after praying this morning. I’m in this situation now similar to what you were in. I’m like could this be it? Seems like everything I prayed for even down to some specifics he has. That prayer at the end of the journal post is almost identical to what I’ve prayed these past couple of days. I also prayed that God will regulate my emotions. I’ve had this excited feeling in my stomach that won’t die down. Despite how I feel I want God’s will and I just have to sit back and let Him work this out and not get too anxious about the process.

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