So let me tell you about today. Your girl was stressing all day, trying to find something to wear to the college graduation celebration of Ryan. I am finally getting myself ready, and in the bathroom trying to fluff my hair, and I have this conversation with myself in the mirror; What if there is another woman that comes to the party? What if he has a girlfriend, and he just looked at me as his “long time friend”? Oh Lord I would be so devastated! What if I get there, and he has a bunch of kids there, and I find out they are his? What if I do all this for nothing? Maybe I won’t go! He didn’t even give me his number at church. God, I am literally trying to talk myself out of going, but my parents were like girl come on, lets go.
All the excitement I felt, seemed to have went away. Sis. Doubt crept in real fast, and she was telling me girl, don’t no man want you, didn’t you realize that from you past relationships? But Sis. Faith said girl, stop tripping! We pull up to the house, and the butterflies were going crazy, and as I walk to the door, I see a bunch of people outside just laughing, and having a great time. So next thing I know, he walks to the door, and says who is it? I said it’s me and he said me who? I am like really, he already forgot me! Then he laughs and says, I am kidding! What’s up Nikea? Come in! My parents and his parents hug, but me, I couldn’t concentrate God, because your girl was scoping the room. I saw females (older and younger) all over the place. I excused myself to the bathroom, girl get yourself together, breathe, just relax, stop tripping.
So I walk out the bathroom, and he asks if I wanted a chair to sit down? I said sure, thank you! Then he goes in the basement, and I am sitting upstairs with my parents, and a room of strangers. His sister, my friend from back in the day, says ‘Kea you better eat girl, we got a lot of food”. All I heard was Kea, you are a fool! I was there, but my mind was somewhere else! Oh, hey girl, yeah I will in a minute, I said.
As I walk to make my plate, God, you won’t believe what I did, I feel so embarassed; I go to one of the females and I said, hello my name is Nikea, and you are? God, did I just check this girl on the low though? She says Hi, I am Ryan’s cousin, then the other women walked to me, and said hello, I am Ryan’s aunt, Hi, I am Ryan’s cousin, Hi, I am Ryan’s cousin, and I then said oh wow, hello, you guys are a beautiful family. My voice changed, my attitude changed, God I felt so pressed!! As the day went on, I realized Ryan stayed in the basement for hours with his male cousins, and didn’t say much to me for the rest of the time. My parents said ok Kea, it is time to go! What! No!!! I didn’t get to talk to him! As we were preparing to leave I went to the basement, and told him goodbye, and he began to walk me to the door. I said congratulations, and how I was proud to see his family support him.
He says, thank you so much, and I so appreciate you coming, and I hope you had a good time. I wanted to say, did you even notice me? You was downstairs with all your cousins that you see all the time, so no I didn’t have a good time.This day did NOT go the way I planned it in my head. All I could say out my mouth was, yes it was great! Standing there waiting to see if he would ask me for my number, he just stared at me and smiled, and said, you have a great night! What? Are you serious? That is what I wanted to say! How am I going to see him again God? What should I do? Should I make the first move or nah? Should I ask him for his number? No, the Bible says a man finds a wife, so he needs to ask me, I am not pursuing him, so I stood there for an extra minute just in case he wanted to ask, but God, he never asked me! All I could do was say, you have a good night as well! The walk of defeat to the car was so real! I felt like I did all this work for nothing. What a waste! Here you go God, playing with my emotions! Here you go God, another man who just sees me as a nice female. I know I told you, if he wasn’t the one, show me, and if he is, show me that too. I thought we were making progress God! All I can say is allow him to feel what I felt the first day I saw him! God, let him think of me, and wonder why he is thinking of me! God, please don’t let this be another ‘friend” situation! But, you know what’s best, But, please let him like me! UGH, I want your will, you see what I can’t see, but can’t you see he is fine, and his family was so sweet, and he loves you, and did I say he was fine! Ok I am done! Your will be done! Even though I don’t like this one bit!
I am feeling discouraged, thanks.. ugh!!!
How many of us go through this? God tells us that we have something, but because it doesn’t happen the way we think it should, we doubt it! We come up with all of the reasons of why it probably isn’t for us. Maybe you don’t feel that you deserve it! Maybe it is taking longer than it should! Maybe you feel that you are not qualified for it! Well all of that is a lie! Jeremiah 1:5 says ‘Before I formed you in the belly, I knew thee”. God knew that my husband and I would meet when we did. Before He put me in my mom’s belly, and before He put my husband in his mom’s belly, He knew on Mother’s Day 2008, that we would connect. I knew in my Spirit at church the first day I saw him, that he was my husband, but doubted based on what I could see. I tried to make excuses of why it probably wasn’t going to happen for me like I thought it would. I felt like maybe I am not his type for real, maybe his girlfriend was having her own celebration. I didn’t get to talk to him much, and I never got to ask if he even had someone he was talking to. The whole time faith was telling me to stop doubting, and just believe what God said!
Numbers 23:19 says “God is not a man, that He should lie, or a Son of Man, that He should change His mind. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has he spoken, and will He not fulfill it?” So why are you tripping? I added that part in the scripture LOL! 1 John 5:14-15 says: (NLT) And we are confident that He hears us, whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for. Check your request!! If what you are asking Him, is pleasing to Him, guess what, it shall come to pass! You can’t be asking God for a person to leave their husband or wife for you, and think that is going to come to pass. That does not please the Lord. Check your request, and know God’s got you as long as it’s pleasing to Him! Don’t think delay is denial, it’s all working together for the good! Like I said before, trust the process!
I can’t wait to tell share what happens next Tuesday! It’s great!
Just know God is faithful, and everything that he said concerning you, it will come to pass!
Me with my hubby!
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