Round up the angels, and tell them to chill out tonight. I know I have probably worked their last nerve. They have truly out done themselves. I know I can be a bit special, but they should have reviewed my application before they took the job. No shade, just truth! Well tonight God, was the night.
As I was talking to you getting a little frustrated trying to figure out if he was going to text me or not, I look at my phone, and for some reason the devil had it on silent. Really? I looked at my phone all night, and never saw the message. He texted me and said “Hey Kea, I made it home safely”. Have a good night”. I said Oh my goodness, I asked you God if you thought it was too forward for me to call, and yet again I didn’t hear you, so I picked up the phone and called. Ring (girl, you is pressed) Ring (girl, what if he don’t answer), Ring (Oh, I can’t hang up now), Ring (I butt dialed, that is what I will say)! As I am about to hang up, Hello? (Oh my goodness he answered!) Hey I am sorry, I thought I was calling my sister. This stupid phone, sometimes it will dial random people, but since you are on the phone, what are you up to? He says, you really think I believe you didn’t mean to call me? Wait a minute God, is he trying to be cocky? Oh no, I am getting too old for this, I thought. You know, you nice and all, but don’t get it twisted! (I can get cocky too), but I really wanted to say you have no idea how much I wanted to talk to you! But, I can’t let no man think they got me wrapped around their finger because that is what Johnny thought, and we didn’t work out at all. I am not going to start this relationship off the same way the last one did.
So he says, well I had a good time tonight! OOOOh God, I think he like me! You know I had a good time tonight also I said. Then he said oh my goodness I need to hit the light, all I heard was I like. God, my big mouth says, you said I am someone you like? It was too late for me to take back the words that just spilled out my mouth. Me said, girl, didn’t we just talk about this? You can’t be like you were in the other relationship? Myself said, girl hang up the phone, but I said, Girl, tell him you like him. He begins to laugh! Girl, I did not say that, but I do like you! You are something special. I knew it from the first time I saw you in church. As I pick myself off the floor, I wanted to say, don’t play with me boy! He said, do you like me? I think I love you, I wanted to say, but back to my cocky sarcastic self, I said I mean you are cool, or whatever. I don’t know you like that. I knew you from when we were kids, but this new grown Ryan, I don’t know about you yet. The spirit of defense is upon me. I have to put my guard up because I can’t get hurt again! I know God, you were telling me, I can’t make him pay for the mistakes of the wrong guy. I can’t let the right man suffer for how the wrong man treated me.
As I am being real sarcastic, he says, well I want you to get to know me, the real me. What are you doing tomorrow? Do you want to meet up? I know good and well I had nothing to do tomorrow, but he can’t know that. He needs to work hard for me, and I am not going to make myself look all available. Here I am trying to protect myself, and my emotions. Well, unfortunately tomorrow won’t work, (girrrrrrrrrlllllllll shut up and tell that man the truth, my inside is screaming) but I can see if I can rearrange my schedule and fit you in. (Stupid, Stupid, Stupid) He says OK, just call me before 12 noon, and let me know. I will come to VA so you won’t have to drive all the way out here. Girl, and he going to come here too, you better tell him now that you have absolutely nothing, nada, zero, on your schedule! But, here goes pride, ok I will let you know! God I then say, well it was a pleasure speaking to you, and I will confirm tomorrow if I can change my schedule. Ok, no problem, you have a blessed night!
Ok, God, I know you are probably going to stick the angels on me, but what was I supposed to do? I know, I have to sit sister pride on the sidelines, but I can’t get hurt again. God, I said if this is you, to show me, and you have. God, just allow my self and my pride to step aside, and I ask that you God be glorified in this entire situation. I am going to need you to help me, lead me, and direct me! Help me leave the past in the past. Help me renew my way of thinking. Help me trust you completely, and take my hands off the wheel! God, I love you! Angels, your break is over, back on post! Make sure you put in a good word about me to him tonight as he sleeps. Hey Angel Michael, sing my name beside his bed, so all he can do is think of me! Nikea, Nikea, Nikea, let all the angels sing! LOL OK, OK, God sit down, it was a joke geez! I am out! Til we talk again!
Proverbs 12:15- The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Yes I can admit, I was a fool. Nobody could tell me nothing at the time when I was going through the process, but I allowed my own eyes to tell me I was right. I looked at the situation, and I said, it looks to me that he is responding to me like my ex. There were things that he said to me that sounded familiar, and my foolish self said, oh here we go again. He thinks I am pressed over him? He thinks I am going to jump when he wants me to jump? Who does he think he is? I was all over the place with my mind. I was so guarded, and it took me time to let my guard down. My heart was nothing to be played with!
Proverbs 29:23- One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in Spirit will obtain honor. I had to realize if God brought this man to me, why am I acting simple? I had to let God take the lead, and I had to take a back seat. Trust my spirit, and not my past. I know someone is reading this, and you are saying, she is all up in my business! I sure am! This is the word for you, trust your Spirit and not your hurts. Trust your spirit, and not your past! WOW, that was good to me!
Stay encouraged loves!!
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