Diary Of Mad Black Virgin “To Text Or Not To Text?”

God, God, God!!!

Ugh this is so frustrating!! How do I handle my emotions? They are all over the place. This feeling I have for this guy, Ugh, why is this happening to me? I am not gonna get hurt! I am not going to put myself out there again, NO! God, who does he think he is? Text me before 12 noon to let me know if you want to meet up he says. It is 11:30 AM, and I have been bugging all day. To text or not to text? Why can’t he text me? God, what do I do? I want to see him again, but I am afraid. He is not going to think he has me wrapped around his finger that is for sure. You know what, I am going to text him at 12:01 PM just so he won’t think I did what he wanted me to do! Shoot, I have my own mind darn it, and he is not going to play with my heart. God, ughhhhh!!! ANSWER ME!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Oh, now you want to be quiet!! You seem to be real loud when I am trying to sleep at night, you have a lot to say then, but when I am in a bind, you sure are quiet! UGHHHHHHHHH HELLO???

Ok, forget it! As I begin to pick up the phone, his number shows up. Ring (omg, omg, my insides are screaming) Ring, (is he really calling me?) Ring, (I can’t pick up right now, then he will really think I am pressed) Ring, Hello? Hey Nikea, how are you? (Speechless I wanted to say) I am great, I was just about to text you. He says, SOOOOOO, are you free later today? (Well, here goes nothing) Yes I just moved some things around, and I am free. (straight up lying, forgive me Father, you know my heart). He says, awesome, I will be there by 5:30 PM. (What the world, I am thinking. I got to get to the hair dresser, my nail broke, and I gotta find me something to wear!! Lord, this is not enough time!) OK, that is great I said. I will see you then. He said, I look forward to it. Bye! God, oh my goodness! He is coming over! I don’t know how he is going to take the news of me being a virgin! When is the right time to tell him? What does he mean he looks forward to it? Forward to what? God, I don’t want him talking to me, thinking he is going to open the cookie jar, because ain’t no sweets for sale over here,ok!

We  are closed for business unless you purchase the shop. God, there will be no renters over here, just a buyer. I hope he don’t think he is going to put a down payment on this property either. You better come correct or don’t come at all. I just pray God, if he is the one, that he understands my stand, and that he will accept all of who I am. The last guy laughed when I told him I was a virgin. The guy before him said well we don’t have to have sex, we can do other things. I said, and you can get your things, and roll out. The guy before him, ugh he waited alright while getting it from somebody else. I can’t keep dealing with the laughs, and the belittling. I don’t want to like this guy, and go through all that again. God, if he is the one, when he comes tonight, allow him to hear my heart. I want him to be able to stand with me, and I want him to know I am more than a one night, and a good time. I am his life time partner, and that he sees I honored him even before knowing who he was going to be. I didn’t allow any other man to have what was his. I wanted to give him all of me, not pieces of me. I want him to see me, and love me for me. If he isn’t for me, I am cool with that too. My desire to do right by you, means more to me than a temptation to do wrong with him. I just keep worrying that he is going to be just like everyone else. I mean let’s be honest, who wants to be with a twenty something virgin? I know, all my friends say men have needs, and I have gotten to a place in my life where your needs mean more to me than any one else’s. My desire for you God, is top priority.

God, you be glorified in my life, and help me to be strong no matter what happens tonight.

BUT, LET HIM BE THE ONE! I know I said it before, but I am going to say it again!! OK, love you!

I am sure we will talk tonight once he leaves….

Whoosah, stop worrying KEA, Stop Worrying!


Worry means to feel uneasy or concerned about something, be troubled.

Matthew 6:25- Therefore I say unto you, do not worry about your life..Stop right there. Some of you guys need to repent because all you do is sit around worrying. Well, maybe I am forgotten. Well, maybe this is too good to be true. Well, maybe I just am going to die unhappy. Well, maybe I am too fat. Well, maybe I am just overlooked. Well, maybe I just won’t ever. Well, maybe this God stuff don’t work for me. Well, maybe I just am going to die alone. STOP IT! You have now just put in the atmosphere with your words, that your god of worry, is BIGGER than THE TRUE AND LIVING GOD!

Stop trying to understand why, how, when, where, what time, and just live. Yes, I know your past was terrible. Yes, I know it doesn’t make sense. Yes, I know you were hurt. Yes, I know you are asking where was God when this, and where was God when that? And, now you can’t trust Him in this area of your life because He has let you down in so many other areas. Let me tell you, the fact that you are still here tells me that He is with you. I am not Iyanla Vanzant or whatever her name is, and I did not get a degree in counseling or therapy, but I do know that God is good. We look at the bad, and think this is just terrible, but God looks at it and says, it is working for my good. Would you have prayed as much as you did if this didn’t happen? Would you be in the family you are in now, if that didn’t happen? Would you be as strong as you are if this didn’t happen? How can you help others if you never went through anything?

I don’t have children yet, but my sister has three. When she was in labor, she felt like the world was on her shoulders. That pain was the worse she ever felt, but what was produced through the pain, was priceless. So stop worrying, stop stressing, stop over thinking, and just live. God has you, just like He had me all this time. My worrying got me no where, but my faith, it got me to where I am today. Give worry an eviction notice!! Don’t Pray and Worry!! Stay encouraged Pretty Girls!!

Don’t Forget we are only a few weeks away from the event of the year!! Our Pretty Girls Wait Conference, August 7-8, Woodbridge VA!! Register Today!! Only $35


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