Diary Of Mad Black Virgin “Spoke To Soon!!”

God, real talk, you don’t make things easy. I ask you, just show me, tell me, give me a clue, holla back sometimes, and you be quiet. Like, in this world, some people could say that is rude, but I know, I know, the teacher does not  talk during the test. HELLO!!!! Can’t you see I am in a dilemma! I messed up! I spoke too soon! UGHHHHH!!

Ding, Dong, the doorbell rings, and my sister answers the door. You know ain’t nobody going to be alone in a house with that fine man, so I should get some brownie points for that one. Don’t put yourself in compromising situations, got it! Everyone was here at the house, and he comes in smelling like the bright and morning star. I don’t know what that smells like, but it sounds like it smells good! I say, hey, how are you? he says, Great! I stood there for a good second like this is too good to be true! So, I invite him in, and he talks to my family. God, you know me, while they are talking I am watching. How does he interact with them? Is he genuine? Is he funny? Does he fit in with us? I am taking mental notes. As I walk to where they are, I ask, do you want to go play a game? Lord, Jesus here we go! Sure, he says. The only game downstairs was connect 4! I sucked at that game! God, help me! So we are playing connect 4, and now the story begins!

Tell me, what have you been up to all these years? Pause* Well no sex, and irritated, yeah that is about it, can we get married now? That is what I wanted to say, but God, I felt something tell me not to say that! Play* Well, you know I have just been growing in the Lord, (ooh that sounds so saved) and just learning more about myself. Trying to figure out exactly what God wants from me. I sing, and I do a lot of motivational speaking. My goal and dream is to be a gospel artist, and I am working diligently on my music.

God, how was that? Yes, I know you enjoyed that didn’t you? So, then I ask him, what do you look for in a woman? Really Nikea? You didn’t ask him what has he been up to? You are doing the most. But, he laughs and says, well, I like women that are genuine, and women that have good hearts. (Well sign me up, that is me, I am thinking). Is that it, I ask? I like women who respect themselves, who of course have a pure heart for God. Someone I can be myself around, because I would want her to be herself around me. As the inside of my Spirit is screaming, you got this one in the bag! Is he not describing all of who I am? Yes Gawd, Jesus, Father, and Holy Ghost! Then, he hits me with the bomb!

But you know what Nikea, I am so focused on God right now, I am not even concerned about a woman. I have been through enough relationships, I just want all of God! Pause* I want to punch him in his face! Well, why are you over here then? I mean are you that caught up into God that you can’t see Him all over me? I mean in school they called me Baby Jesus! Play** I definitely understand that! I mean I am in the same position. (INSERT SCREAMMMM!) But tell me, what do you desire in a man he asks? I wanted to say, Why do you care? You aren’t focused on that remember?

Well, I desire for him to have a relationship with God. I think I have been praying the wrong prayer when it comes to men. I always said I want him to love God, and that is all they did, they loved God, but they didn’t have a relationship with God. When you have a relationship with God, it makes our relationship that much greater. He says, ok I hear you! That is awesome. Then here goes the question that changed the entire night! What is it that you bring to a relationship? Pause* Do I say it now? I bring virginity to the relationship! No, No, No, you sound dumb! Do I say, this is a no sex zone, and I bring purity to the relationship? God, Hellllloooooo!! DO I SAY IT NOW! I don’t need him to keep wasting my time if the “V” word scares him away! When do I say it? It’s now or never! God, I need you to answer me because I want to say it, but maybe it is too soon! God, please help me RIGHT NOW! I won’t speak until you speak to me! I am waiting!

God, still no response, so here it goes! I say, well Ryan I bring a lot to a relationship. I mean, I am not cocky or anything, but I am a good woman, but I have been through a lot. Heart break, just lost my brother, people have taken advantage of me, and so much more.  I did go through a phase where I questioned whether or not I was a good woman. How others viewed me, made me change how I viewed myself, and even how God viewed me. Maybe I am not good enough. Maybe I am not pretty enough. Maybe I am not a good woman. I realized, the wrong man doesn’t see what the right man sees, that is something God always told me. Those men that did me wrong didn’t see me through God’s eyes, but I believe the right one will see me through God’s eyes. Won’t look at the fact that I am guarded and say I am a bad woman. He will say I see your hurt, and I love you through it, just like God does. I am sorry I am all over the place with the question.

He says, no I think you are a great woman, and I appreciate you sharing that with me. Here it goes God, I didn’t even realize I said it! It slipped out before I could take it back! I said, Well, you know what makes me even greater is the fact that I am still a virgin!


Now you guys are going to have to wait to see what happens next week, but let me talk to my ladies!

In my life, I felt like being virtuous was an old Bible principle. Nobody wants a virtuous woman I kept telling myself, but that was a lie! Men would tell me all the time, my standards were too high, and I was requiring too much from them. Then I realized that they couldn’t afford me. It’s like going to a Mercedes dealership and asking them to give you that vehicle for a Toyota price. Do you not know the value of this car? Boy Bye!

Virtuous means having, or showing high moral standards. Proverbs 31:10- Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. Think of a rare gem, and ask yourself if they sell it at your local mall? Have you seen the man on the corner selling rare gems? If he is, it isn’t real. No, a rare gem is what you are, and you need to understand the value you bring to a relationship. So many of us would rather be a cubic zirconia because they are being sold more. Everybody is purchasing a counterfeit of the gem, and I am tired of being hidden. I am tired of being in this jewelry case alone! Just devalue me, and sell me to the highest bidder. ABSOLUTELY NOT! You are valuable, you are exclusive, you are rare, and You, yes You are one of a kind!

God said I will order your man’s steps! “A Good mans steps are ordered by the Lord”, and when he is being led by God, God will lead him straight to where you are hidden. That was good to me! Stay faithful, and stay rare!

It’s almost here! It’s almost here! August 7th-8th Pretty Girls Wait Conference! When I tell you this is a conference you need to be at, I mean it. God has women coming from all over to be at this event, and you do not want to miss it! It’s for all women! All ages! Single, Married, Divorced, whatever, be here! Register Today! Only $35 for 2 days! Red Carpet, Male Panel, Music, Food, DJ, Fun, Fellowship, Awesome Speakers, Spoken Word, Fashion Show, Vendors, Giveaways, and so much more!


PGW postcard FRONT crtd



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