Oh that’s what’s up? God, did he just say, Oh that is what’s up? God, here I am looking all crazy in the face, and he is looking at me all calm. I looked at him in a daze like, ummmmm, you can walk away now. I just told you that I have never had sex before, and I will not have it until I get married. Maybe he wasn’t clear God. Maybe he thought I said I was from Virginia. Maybe he thought I said I am a vegan. Hey, Ryan, did you hear what I said? Yes, you are a virgin. That is what’s up. I respect that, and that is so amazing. Lord, is this a dream? Nikea, are you there? he asked. Yes, sorry! He says, your turn on the connect four game. So, you mean to tell me that me being a virgin is not going to run you off? No, he says, that actually makes me see the kind of woma
n you are. It lets me know that you can be trusted. It lets me know that you have self control. It lets me know that you know who you are. It lets me see that you truly love God, and desire to serve Him wholeheartedly. It makes me honor you, and respect you that much more. Pause** God, is this a player line or some kind of mind trick? I want to say I love you. Where have thou been all my life? I mean, I know we have known each other since childhood, but goodness you have changed. *Play** Connect four!!! I yelled. He says, wow, you won! I said, yes I did. Then I said, You know what? I appreciate you saying what you said. I think you are a great guy yourself. I see that you definitely have God because I can see him all over you.
He then says, you know what I appreciate you saying that. You are real COOL! Pause** Real cool? I am not trying to be real cool with him. God, can we be more than real cool. I want to be his wife. I want him to say, you can be my lady, my boo thang, my girl. Play*** Awww, well you are pretty cool yourself. Aww, thank you, he says. So when can I see you again? Pause** I wanted to say whenever you want too, but I still didn’t want him to think I was pressed and always available. I couldn’t read where he was, or figure out what he thought of me; especially with his comment about me being real cool. God, you know what? Let me keep it real cool, so I don’t get real hot and mad. Play** I guess we can meet up again this weekend. He says, ok!! I was hoping you would say tomorrow. I wanted to take you to dinner if you were free. Pause** Here I am again, trying to protect my heart. Ugh, why did he have to say I was cool? I mean God, I can’t read this guy. I want to just ask him, why do you want to hang out? Where do you want to take me? Chuck E Cheese? Like seriously, I don’t know if he thinks I am going to be his fill in woman until the one he can have sex with comes along, but I am not that chick. Does he think he can control my every step and every move? What happens if we start hanging all the time, and then he stops because his real boo comes back, or he finds another girl?
God, what to do? Play**Well, I will let you know about tomorrow because my day is kind of crazy. OK, he says. Call me tomorrow so you can let me know. I would love to hang! Oh Lord, now we just hanging?? OK! Well I appreciate you coming over, I said. As I begin to walk him to the door, he looks me in the eyes and says, I hope you are free for dinner. I wanted to say, I am available, what time? where? What is the dress code? You treating? Are you driving or am I driving? But, that fear of hurt made me say, I will let you know! As he leaves, all I could say was, God I don’t want to be that damaged girl who misses what is for her because of what was done to her. I don’t want to have up this wall. God, please give me strength! I need the wall of Jericho to come down! HELLLLPPPPPP!!
1 John 4:18 says There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. Let me stop right here. What I experienced before in past relationships, was not love, it was strong like. As I begin to talk more about the process with me, and my husband, I realized the more I got to know him, the more I began to love him. The more I loved him, the less fear I had in our relationship. The wall I had up, he loved me through it. 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind. He was so patient and so kind with me. He saw past my wall, and realized I was just a hurt woman. He never made me feel bad, he loved me through it.He prayed me through it, and he encouraged me through it.
So let’s talk about you! When you tell your man that you are waiting, what does he say? Is he willing to be patient? I know a lot of guys say if you love me, then show me. No boo, if you love me, you will wait for me. Is he kind? Does he respect you? Love is not jealous or boastful. I hope you guys get where I am going with this. Know that real love is shown not just with words, but actions. Raise your standards, and remember God is love. When you see love in the one you love, I am telling you, it makes a difference in your relationship. Stay with me: Fall in love with love, fall in love with yourself, and then let Him (Love) bring you your love! Ayyyyyeeeee that is good to me!
Stay Encouraged Loves!!!
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