The Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin “Faith Is”

Ok Lord! Really!! Why is this happening now? You know we have been courting/dating/spending time with each other, I don’t know the correct wording, but you know what I mean, for about 6 months now. We have talked about spending the rest of our lives together, and how much we know we are for each other, but then the big BOOM came today…..he called me and told me he lost his job! God, how can he provide for me with no job? Why is this happening? Is it because you don’t want us to get married? I mean why would you take away his job right now? I mean I am working, but I don’t make enough for the both of us, and Real Talk, I am NOT that girl who gets in a relationship to take care of a man! Is that selfish? But, I am not married to him yet, so technically I don’t have to spend my coins unnecessarily! Man God, we just got through the car situation. I thank you for giving him a new car, that was such a blessing, but how can he keep up with the payments if you took away his job? What am I supposed to do? Hello!!! While I am praying and talking to God, the doorbell rings. Oh my goodness he is here. God, I need you to give me strength, and help me to encourage him through this time. I don’t want him to see me worried, or concerned, ughhhh I have to be strong! I need your strength!!

As I opened the door, I said hello my mighty, amazing, prosperous man of God. (Oh Jesus, do you think he can tell I am shaking all crazy? Girl, get it together) He looked at me and walked inside,sat down, and said really? You know I just got laid off! I said, yeah, but guess who is still working? God!!(That was a good one Lord, keep it coming, I am starting to calm down). Ugh, he said, I feel like such a failure. Babe, you are not a failure, I said. You know all things work together for your good, and God is up to something. Remember when your car would not start? He said, yeah! It was like God had to break your car down, so you could trust Him to get a new one. I know in that moment it was pretty scary, but God honored our faith! We came together and we believed for a new car, and God exceeded our expectations. So now, our faith is going to believe God for your new job. A new job that is going to be bigger and better than the one you had before. He said wow  girl, you know I just fall deeper and deeper in love with you! (Hmmm, as you should, Lord, if he only knew how I really felt) I said, I love you so much, and my hearts desire is that God will continue to show you who He is. He said, you know why I came over here? I said yes, because we need to pray! We linked hands, and began to pray, and just began to thank God for His new job. We thanked God for favor! We thanked God for divine connections, and we thanked God for the right job for him, with increase. When we said amen, I told him to keep his head up, and not worry, but keep the faith! (I was talking to myself as well) Before he left, we played a few games, and just laughed. When he left, he said he was so blessed to have me in his life. I said I am even more blessed to have you in mine.

When he left, I went upstairs, and I cried like a baby. God, Ughhhhhh Whyyyyyyy! Whyyyyyy! I had a break down, and just cried out to God, and In that moment, God said is your faith based on what you see now, or what you believe? Faith is…..his new job. You have to believe even when you don’t see! So, will you sit here and whine, or believe the words that you spoke earlier? I believe God! I believe! But, dang! I thought since I was a virgin. that I would get a man who could keep a job! Couldn’t you have sent me someone who was already rich? (we are never satisfied are we ladies?) I already had to deal with the fact that he had a car that was a piece of work, and now I have to deal with him not having a job? Ughh I am not complaining God, I am just expressing myself to you! But, for some reason I thought living a virgin life meant I would have a perfect relationship. Silly me to think that my life would not have trials and tests! I have to truly surrender to you God, I know, I know, and you are right! I have to stand on my faith, but God help my unbelief! God, I need you like never before! Show up, and give me strength. Help me be what he needs right now during this time! Help me not focus so much on myself, but help me to be the woman of God he needs me to be in this time of his life. In Jesus name! Ok, I am going to go to bed! Goodnight!

#MBV

For some reason, I felt that life would be perfect because I lived a life that I felt was perfect. My decision to be a virgin was because I chose to live a life that pleased God, and honored God, and for some crazy reason, I thought that meant I wouldn’t have to deal with any issues. God honored me by sending me the man of my dreams, but that didn’t mean that we wouldn’t have to go through anything. The thing I learned is, yes we all go through things, but when you go through them with the person who is for you, it makes it a little easier. I had to put my EGO aside, and be there for my man. Guess what I learned? There is no perfect relationship, but there is someone who is perfect for you; and when you serve a perfect God, and put Him first, there is nothing that you and that person won’t be able to face!

The scripture that I studied during this time was Mark 9:23-24, but I made it personal to my own situation. Jesus said to Nikea, “If you can believe, all things are possible to those who believe.” Immediately, Nikea cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” Lord, I trust that you will supply all our needs, but help my unbelief. God, I believe you sent this man to me, and that you will provide for us, but help my unbelief. God, I know he is a man of faith, but help my unbelief. God, I know that you have put us together for a greater purpose, but help my unbelief. I want you to know that God gave me such a peace, and He just kept reminding me that if I could see it, it wouldn’t be faith! Rest, Trust, and Rejoice! Faith is…..Whatever you believe it to be! I don’t know what you are believing God for, and you may be struggling like I was, but speak the word over your life. It is ok to say God, I believe you, but help my unbelief! I believe He will give you such a peace that will surpass your understanding, and He will blow your mind! I have 2 words for you boo, “Just Believe”.

Wait until you hear what happens next week!! God is so faithful! Stay Encouraged Loves!!

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