Diary Of MBV “Life After Sex, But Mama Said”

We finally moved into our home, and my husband says, babe what do you think about furniture for the house? Well, mama said, we really don’t need new furniture. She has furniture in storage that we can use. OK, babe, but I want new furniture. But, my mama said, why spend money on something we don’t need? Ok, I love your mother, but I want us to come together, and make a decision, just the two of us. Ok, well I don’t think we need new furniture, I said. Then he says, what about a church home? My parents were Pastors, so therefore, there is no need to discuss what church we will be going to. My parents church duh! My mama said, the church is still new, and they need us to help with the youth ministry. OK, my husband says, but I believe that God wants us to be somewhere else. Well, I don’t know what God you are talking to, because my mama said, she really needs us to stay here with them. My husband says, have you talked to God, and asked God where we should be? No, God talked to my parents, so we good. As my husbands face began to turn red, he says, can you even make a decision without asking your mother? Can we both pray about our family, and see where God wants to take us, or see what God has to say to US? Deep down inside, I never felt confident about if I really was hearing from God or not, and so I would always confirm with my mother to see what she felt about what I thought God told me. She and I had an amazing relationship, and if she didn’t agree with me, then I must be wrong. Now mind you, when I was a teenager, God would snitch on me, and tell her all the wrong things I was doing, so if anybody knew God, I know without a shadow of a doubt that she did! She has known God way longer than I have, and I felt that she could hear from God better than I could, because I am young, what do I really know?

I am now a newlywed, and I feel so lost. I couldn’t even make simple decisions without calling to see what mama said about them. I loved my mom, and my mom loved me, and she definitely was a woman of God. She always had a word, and I always listened, but now, I am grown, and can’t make a decision for myself. This caused a lot of issues in my marriage. I even got to the point where I said, my mama was here before you, and she will be here after you. So if you can’t handle our relationship, then maybe you need to roll! When you married me, guess who else you married? My family! Point blank, and the period! As my husband looked at me, he said you are a 25 year old, with a 17 year old’s mindset! When are you going to grow up? What world are you living in? The Bible says that you are to leave and cleave to your husband! Oh no buddy, re-read your Bible! My mama said, that the man is to leave and cleave! I said sarcastically! But, at the end of the day, I am not trying to argue with you. You know my family and I are just very close. We talk all the time, and we know everything about each other, so this is just difficult for me. I need you to be patient with me! He sighed, and walked away! Dear God, once again, I didn’t properly prepare for life after sex!

Let me keep it 100 with y’all. I knew my husband loved the Lord, but hearing God, ummm, yeah, not quite sure if his ear was as sharp as me and my mama’s. We have been in the game for a long time, and to be honest, it was hard for me to trust him to lead me. I felt that he needed my help, and I needed my mama’s help. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying not to talk to your parents after you get married, but the deciding factor of you and your spouse’s decisions, have to be between the two of you, and God. I had to trust that my husband DID hear from God, and I had to trust what I heard, was God, and be in agreement with my spouse. How can two walk together if they don’t agree? Baby, we weren’t even crawling together, ok!  When the Bible says, and they shall become one flesh, it is not just talking about sex, or the physical act of intercourse. It means the sharing of life, not just bodies and material possessions, but thoughts, dreams, joys, sufferings, it means one soul as well as one body. I heard someone say, before you have a wedding, you have to have 2 funerals. You have to both die to your old ways, and realize that you are about to enter into a new life. I mean, my funeral came a little late in my marriage, and baby, it was a slow, sometimes painful death, but I ended up dying 100 percent to my old ways of doing things, and my old ways of thinking. My husband had to learn to be patient with me as I was becoming Nikea Jones, the wife, because Nikea, the daughter, was a HOT MESS. He had to die a painful death too, because he was not feeling the process at times, but he was very patient, and for that I am very thankful.

I had to have a long conversation with my mom, and I first explained how much I loved her, but I had to sorta kinda grow up, and make some tough decisions. One including leaving their church, and joining another church with my spouse. I definitely prayed before I had a conversation with her, but the blessing is that God already told her that we were going to leave, and as much as she didn’t want to see us go, she knew we would be in great hands because she knew the Pastors very well. She said, my selfish side wants you to be here, but you are a married woman now, and I respect you and your husband too much to cause any conflict in between your marriage. All I want is God’s best for you, and I love you so much. We hugged, and our relationship just continued to grow even the more after this. I still talked to her about wife things, and she would give me great advice, but at the end of the conversation, she would always say, but you pray and ask God what to do. We would go out shopping, and go eat, and just laugh, and catch up. Our relationship changed, but for the better!

So, what is the lesson in all this? One thing is to make sure your spouse to be has a relationship with God, and can hear Him. Make sure he is someone that you trust to lead your household Spiritually. Make sure that you and your spouse take time to grow together as a couple. Make sure your spouse to be has patience, that is so important. You aren’t going to get everything right as a wife, and that is ok! It is brand new, so it is going to take a man with patience to stand with you. Does your man get easily angered? Does he snap just because? Check the signs girl, check the signs. Make sure you just set boundaries with your family, that is all! I am not saying kick your family to the curb, but just have some boundaries. I told my mom, at the end of the day, I just want you to trust the decisions my husband and I make, and trust that God will lead us. If you feel we made a wrong decision, just pray for us. She definitely was thankful that we talked, and she said ok, I understand. One thing I know about family is that, if they love you, they will understand!  I know it can be hard to drop the baby bottle, and drink from the BIG GIRL cup, but I believe in you!

Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, I know boo, I know, I cried too, but it is going to be ok! If I can make it through, so can you love!

Marriage is more than sex honey! Don’t just marry to get some, because if you do, you are going to get a RUDE awakening once you wake up after that bomb honeymoon! Marriage is beautiful, and a blessing! Marriage is also a lot of responsibility, and yes it is hard work, but it is a job I wouldn’t trade for anything!

Until Next Tuesday Loves…..MWAH

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