After my husband and I experienced our miscarriage, I told him that I needed time before we tried to have a baby again. The crazy thing is that after the miscarriage, it caused us to become closer. I mean, it allowed us to talk about some things, and we realized life is too short to be acting like we were acting. It caused us to value our relationship, and we realized that we needed one another. We didn’t desire to be married, and miserable at the same time. Life is too short, and through the tough time, we learned how to encourage each other. At the end of the day, nothing, and no one mattered in that moment but the two of us. It was a blessing in disguise. While we were on our journey of becoming a better team, I was hit with another crisis at the same time.
I got a call from my mom who told me that she wasn’t feeling too well, and she had to be seen by the doctor. I knew her legs were swelling a lot lately, but I figured she just needed to get them drained or something, and she would be fine. She went to the hospital, and they told her she had low iron. When she came back home, for some reason, I knew there was more to what was wrong with her. She went back to the doctor, and they ran more tests, and they told her she had STAGE 4 stomach cancer! I said okay, how many stages are there? They said 4 means, it is at the worse stage. I said, ok God, here we grow again! This is just an opportunity for you to show yourself strong! I began praying over my mother, and believing God like it was nobody’s business! My mom was a woman of faith, and I needed to be strong for her! When she couldn’t pray, I did. When she got tired, I was her strength. I said, God is going to heal you, and I believe the testimony that is to come from this, it is going to be amazing and life changing! I saw a vision of her walking, and being healed, and I kept that vision before me. A month went by, and the doctors said, she isn’t getting better, she is getting worse. I said, we don’t come in agreement with what you are saying. My mom is not getting worse, she is getting better; you just don’t see it. My mom looked at me and said, “Kea, I am ok. Whatever happens to me, I am gonna be fine”. I said, that is the medicine talking. She said, “Kea, I am ok”. She just said, the only thing is, I wish I could see is my baby girl have a baby of her own. Being a mother is a blessing, and I know you are going to be an amazing mother. I stood there, and that is when it hit me. Oh my goodness, she may not really make it, but I can’t think that way because I have to have faith! A few weeks went by, and the more I kept going to see my mom, I couldn’t even recognize her. I sat at her bedside, and I saw that she was getting worse and worse. It was to the point that she was so drugged up with medicine that she would barely be awake when I would see her. I held her hand, and I just cried, and I said mommy, I don’t know if you hear me or not, but I love you so much. I told her how much she meant to me, and I thanked her for being the woman of God that she was to me. I cried, and I cried, because maybe what I saw was a Spiritual healing, but I just didn’t want to give up on my faith. Well, when the doctors told my family there was nothing else they could do, and she had to go to hospice, I knew it was not going to get better from there.
My mom went in the hospital in February, and passed at hospice in April. It was the quickest transition I had ever seen in my life. We were all at my family’s house celebrating my grandmother’s birthday in February, and everything was fine. To see my mother transition so fast, it messed me up. The progress my husband and I made, it went out the window after my mom passed away. I didn’t want to talk to him, I told him I never want children, because no child should ever have to experience losing a parent. I don’t want my child to go through what I am going through losing my mother. I sat in a dark room for days, just looking at the ceiling wondering if God was real. How can a good God, let this bad thing happen? All I knew was Jesus! All my life, I said I will serve HIM! My mom taught me about virtue, and purity, and being set apart! All my life, I lived by the book. I never smoked, I never drank, I never had sex before I got married, I cursed a few times, but I didn’t even do that right. I was Ms. FEAR GOD, Ms DO NO WRONG, and I chose to submit my life to Him, but where are you now GOD? I am not Job in the Bible! I can’t handle another test! I can’t handle trying to do ministry, in my misery. What can I tell the people? I don’t even know how I feel about you GOD! I can’t even go to church, and pretend that I am ok. When I was having issues in my marriage, I was good with putting my church mask on, and smile, and be lovey dovey with my husband for the look of it all, but this, I can’t mask. My husband came in my room, and he started to pray for me, and I told him to get off me, and that I didn’t want to hear his prayer. I don’t even know if I want to be married to you! Is this all a joke? Is all this for nothing? I lose my baby, now my mommy, and I am about to lose my mind! Might as well lose my marriage too! In that moment, I realized, I wasn’t prepared for Life After Sex!
The wedding! The moment I had been waiting for since I was a teenager. The fact that I knew God brought this man in my life, and I knew we were destined for greatness, all of this was forgotten when things got bad! Did God not give you the man that you asked for? Did God not answer your prayer about that? Did God not bless you at your wedding? I only had to pay $500 for my entire wedding, and we had over 500 guests at the wedding, and 300 guests at the reception The lady who catered the food, after the wedding, she said, God told me to sow this food into your life. You two are blessed! Don’t worry about paying me! The limo driver, FREE! The dress was only $75, people were sowing into our lives left and right! Have you forgotten who God is? Must we go back to your childhood! Did God not save you in the pool when you were about to drown as a child? Did you forget about that? What about the time when you asked God for a new car, and you got the best car you could have dreamed of. Have you forgotten? How soon we forget the blessings, when we are in pain!
When a pregnant woman is in labor, sometimes they forget how amazing it is to have a man who helped bring this beautiful blessing in the world. Oh no! When that pain comes, I have seen women hit the mess out of their husbands in anger! How could you do this to me? Why are you even in this room? Screaming DON’T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN..BUT, after that baby comes out, and they see their blessing, they begin to cry and hug their husband, and say, we did it. Look at what God has given us. Then you realize, that wasn’t so bad, and then a year later, guess who is pregnant again? The pain can’t even compare to the blessing! The process is worth the promise!
This Pastor once asked, what is the enemy trying to keep you from? Why is he coming after my marriage so hard? Why is he trying to come after my life so hard? Why is he trying to get me to leave the team of the ONE I have known my entire life, and come on his side? Why is he threatened by my life? He knows that if he can get me out of position, that so many others souls won’t come to Christ. He knows if he can shut my mouth, then people can’t be free from what they are going through. I have too many lives attached to mine, to stay in this place! The enemy knows marriage is a representation of Christ and the church, and his goal is to steal, kill, and destroy marriages. We can’t allow him to win! What is the enemy trying to keep you from? Why is he threatened by your purpose?
I have been a worshiper all of my life, and during the time of my mother passing, I didn’t desire to worship a God who took the best thing in my life. One night, I got the strength to go in my basement, and I began to just scream! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I began to holler, and just yell WHHHHYYYYYYYYY over and over again. In that moment, I saw a vision of my mother holding my child who I miscarried, and she said, don’t be mad at God for honoring MY FAITH. Don’t be mad at God for listening to what I desired. I have finished my course baby girl, and the baton has been passed to you. You go out, and live the life that I taught you to live. You do what mama would do, and you change the world! My mother had a ministry for women, and she told me to go after the ladies. In that moment, I started crying, and then she said, I finally got to meet my grand baby! I balled like a baby on the floor, and just began to worship God. In an instant, I felt the hole that I had in my heart was filled with peace. In that moment, God gave me the name for my organization PRETTY (Pure Righteous Eternally True To You) Girls Wait. I heard Him loud and clear, and He said, I need you to empower, encourage, and inspire ladies and women. Let them know that they are valued, and worth waiting for. I also came up with my CD title PAM (in honor of my mom) Purpose And Mission. I began to write songs in my basement for the CD. My purpose was being birthed in that moment through my pain. This is what the enemy was trying to keep me away from! I see it now!
James 1:2-4 (MSG) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work, so you can become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way.
There is purpose in trials. Know that God is still in control, and that He has not forsaken us, but wants us to trust Him, so we can mature and grow. God will give us wisdom to see the purpose and the good in trials, as we ask in faith. Know that your faithfulness will be commended, and there is a due reward that will be given for remaining faithful, even when you don’t feel like it. I am telling you, I am living my best days, and I am so thankful that I endured, and now to see the rewards of my faithfulness, it blows my mind. I am carrying my baby boy right now, my organization PRETTY Girls Wait has taken off unbelievably. I have been speaking to ladies all over, my music has blessed so many, I quit my job, and went into full time ministry, my marriage is amazing, my husband and I minister to couples now, and God has just shown HIMSELF mighty in our life! I could have allowed all of these situations to cause me to lose my mind, but I had to remember! Remember that God has come through for me before! Remember that He hears me! Remember that He loves me! Remember that I have to keep PUSHING! I encourage you, don’t get weary, endure until the end, and watch God work! This temporary test, is going to set you up for permanent success!
Marriage is hard work, but it is a job I wouldn’t trade for anything!
Until Next Week Loves!
Have you ever wondered what men really think? You don’t have to wonder any longer! Make plans to be at out Mind Of A Man event. We will separate the girls (13-17) from the ladies (18 and up) Hear from the fellas! This event you don’t want to miss!
PRETTY GIRLS WAIT CONFERENCE: July 15-July 16, 2016 @ Mount Ennon in Clinton MD. I am telling you, you need to make plans to be at this event. This conference is for ladies 13 and up! We will be having mother/daughter sessions, sessions about self esteem, life of purity, girl chat, giveaways, vendors, food, dancing, party, and so much more! I am telling you, make plans to be at this amazing event! Registration is going to open soon!
Make sure you grab a copy of my book!
Check out my music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/purpose-and-mission-p.a.m/id950870592
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