Diary Of Mad Black Virgin “Life After Sex, Motives”

Dear God,

Can I be honest with you? Well, when I was a little girl, I used to hear my Pastor say, if you want to be blessed, this is how you have to live. You have to live according to the scripture. You have to obey the word. You have to give your life to Him. Blessings to me meant things! Now, I saw him driving his nice BMW, and his family always had it going on, and he had the baddest house I had ever seen. So me, being the young girl that I was, I was like, if God can give you all this, sign me up Chuck! Put my name down right under the Pastors! Yes, excuse me ma’am, you spell my  name N-I-K-E-A. Make sure you spell it right, so when God gives me my blessing, He won’t give it to N-A-K-I-A, or some other person for that matter. I remember saying to myself the speech the Pastor told people to say if they want to go to heaven. I believe Jesus was raised from the dead for my sins, yes I am forgiven, yes God is good, and AMEN. I would open my eyes to see if I got blessed yet! Like now God, we are good, so bless me. My motive for becoming a believer was for the stuff that came with my decision. I wanted to drive a BMW, and I wanted to have the best house. I guessed I missed the Sundays when the Pastor talked about trials and tribulations. I didn’t hear about counting it all joy when we are faced with difficulties and stuff. God, I wasn’t interested in trying to get to know you, I wanted you to just be my personal genie, and give me what I asked for. Once I begin to grow up, and life begin to hit me in the face, it made me question my decision. You see, my decision was not based on how good of a God you were. My decision was not based on your love for me.  It was a selfish decision. So when things went left in my life, it was easy for me to chuck the deuce sign at you because my motives of being HOLY, they were wrong in the first place. God, I really had to look back at my marriage. Did I really love him, or was my motive to marry him because I was horny? Can I be honest? I think your girl just wanted some. I thought he was a great guy, but I honestly didn’t take the time I needed to really know who I was marrying. I knew you sent him to me, but did I take the time to get to know him, or was my energy more so on planning my wedding?

To honestly say I loved him with sincerity, I don’t think I could say that. Life has taught me that if you truly LOVE someone, then your actions would show it. Love is patient..See, that right there, I had no patience whatsoever. Love is kind..See God, I know you saw that I was not kind, and all the other things love possesses, I could not say that I really loved him. I liked him a lot, but I wanted him for my own selfish purposes. God, I can say with you, I have not been the most patient, nor have I been too kind to you.  I only got with you to get, and I want to say I am so sorry! I have really gotten to know you, and in spite of all that I have gone through in my life, it has truly made me completely surrender to you. I am not going to leave you, just because things don’t go my way. My foundation of why I serve you now is true and genuine. I have seen you give me peace of mind, when I could have gone crazy,. I have seen you heal me, when I was sick. I have felt you wrap your arms around me, and show me you love me.To me these are the best blessings I could have ever asked for.  I know that you were just trying to make me better in every situation that I thought was difficult. God, I ask that you continue to create in me a clean heart, and renew a right Spirit within me. I have checked my motives, and now I desire to be like Jesus. He came to do the work of the Father and God, I take that same position, and whether they crucify me, whether life seems crazy, whether they talk about me, whether I have things or not,  I will not be moved! My position remains the same. God, I can honestly look to you, and I can say that I love you with all of my heart! I can honestly look at my husband, and I can say, that I love him with all my heart. I am thankful that I am becoming a better me, and life after sex is getting greater and greater.

The blessings you receive as a Christian, that is a blessing, but it should NOT be the only reason you are one. It is like the icing on the cake. The blessing of having sex in marriage, it is awesome, but that should not be the only reason you jump into marriage. Marriage is a commitment, and it should not be taken lightly. You shouldn’t just marry someone because that is your baby daddy. You should not marry someone just because you don’t want to be alone. You should not marry someone because of pressure. What is your motive for marriage? What is your why? God knew my heart, and He knew my true motives, and I believe I delayed things in my life because of my selfishness. Yes, my body was pure, I was a virgin when I got married, but was my heart pure? I encourage you to examine yourself, and check your motives. So many believers jump off the God train so easily, because they never really understood why they were on it in the first place. So many people were forced to go to church, and church was their motivation to live right, but not a relationship with God. Mama made me go, and I had to do what she said. I just wanted to do my good deed for the week, so that is why I go. I encourage you to get to know God for yourself, and love HIM with all your heart. Develop a sincere relationship, and I guarantee you, your motives will change too! Ride this God train out until the end, and stay with it! I guarantee your destination will be life changing.

Marriage is hard work, but it is a job I would not trade for anything!

Until next week love bugs!

This weekend, it is going down! Make plans to hear from our men! They are going to lay it all out on the table ladies. This event is for ages 13 and up! We will split the girls (13-17) from the women (18 and up), and we are going to KEEP IT 100! Be there!


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2 thoughts on “Diary Of Mad Black Virgin “Life After Sex, Motives”

  1. Wow! This is so true. What are our true motivations for loving God and getting married the “right” way? Preach girl!!


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