Diary Of MBV, Life After Sex “Spiritually Stuck”

During our marriage, we had a lot of things happen, and it made me spiritually frustrated. I knew that God was elevating us, but it was not comfortable. My husband, he was on a spiritual high, and I was spiritually low. My husband would wake up every morning, and he would play worship music, and pray, and thank God for our breakthrough, and I would sit in the bed like YES Lord..Do it Lord..Go ahead God..Show up..but I wasn’t believing anything I was saying. In my mind it was just another routine. It is hard being in a place where you don’t know what is next. We had prayed and asked God for increase, and as soon as we did, my husband had a meeting with his boss, and lost his job. When we asked God for more, it seemed like we received less. Yes, I know what you’re thinking..All things work together for the good..You just have to keep the faith..But what do you do when your faith is on E? You are running full of faith, but then when life hits you, and things don’t happen the way we expect them to, it can cause your faith to fade. The first time my husband lost his job, he received a job 2 weeks later. (yessss faith) The second time he lost his job, it was 2 months later, and he received another job. (go faith, it’s your birthday) BUT  this time, it has been almost a year! My faith tank went from Full to Empty! When my faith ran out of gas, I just stayed on the side of the road. I didn’t ask for help, and I didn’t even feel like driving anymore. I wasn’t going to church..Didn’t want to pray..Wasn’t in the mood to praise God at all. I just sat on the side of the road, and watched all the cars drive by me. My husband was trying to push my faith car, but I told him to just go on without me. He would be in the room just going in. He would cry out to God, pray, fast, and just walk around full of joy, and I would be downstairs watching tv waiting for him to finish. He began to even make me irritated. I kept telling him, you are doing all this praying, and no results. He said, you may not see it, but it is going to come to pass. Who are you? He would ask me! I would say, I am tired! I am over it! I have done this God thing for a long time, and I am just spiritually stuck right now, and some parts of me became comfortable in that place. God has shown up so many times before, but this time, He was taking his sweet time! I know we go from glory to glory, and each stage of our faith walk will require something different in us, but I was just over it! Yes, my name is Nikea Marie, and once again, I was not prepared for life after sex!

Have you ever had those moments where you have felt spiritually stuck? You know God is real, and you know He is faithful, but you are just a little spiritually irritated. It seems like you get through one thing, and then here comes something else, or my all time favorite, when God doesn’t say anything at all, and He makes you wait!! You ever been in that place where you have been believing God for so many things, and you have seen Him do great things in your life, but it is always that one BIG thing that you have to wait on that makes us forget all the other things He has done. You received a promotion, you got your house that you wanted, God has healed you, delivered you, and set you free, but that man still hasn’t come yet. Because of that, you start to question where are you God? Reminds me of the children of Israel! That was me! God brought me out of the wilderness, killed my enemies, parted the red sea, performed many miracles, sent food from heaven, but I am not in my Promise Land, and I am irritated! How much longer do I have to walk before I get to my purpose? How many more steps do I have to take before I get what I really want? I might as well stayed in the world for all this! Did He save me to punish me? Did He bring me out here to tease me? What is up with this God? One thing I learned with God is that I can be honest with him. I began to read scriptures that dealt with my situation:

Psalms 6:4-10 (MSG Bible) Break in God, and break up this fight; if you love me at all, get me out of here. I’m no good to you dead am I? I can’t sing in your choir if I am buried in some tomb! I am tired of all this-so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights on the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. The sockets of my eyes are black holes, nearly blind, I squint and grope. (this is when David remembered that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but principalities) Get out of here, you devil’s crew: at last God has heard my sobs. My requests have all been granted, my prayers are answered. Cowards, my enemies disappear. Disgraced, they turn tail and run. 

Even David in the Bible felt spiritually stuck, but he was honest with God! He cried out to God, and told God his truth. God heard him, and his requests were granted. Have you ever just had a good cry? Just crying your heart out to God in those stuck moments? Psalms 58:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book. In this Psalm, David expressed grief over his situation, which was dangerous. Saul wanted his son to be king, and wanted David to be killed. This forced David to be on the move a lot, as he tried to escape. David was grieved, fearful, and unsure about his future, and tears began to flow as He poured out his heart to God. David was comforted knowing that no matter what he was going through, God had great compassion on him, and gathered all his tears in a bottle. David trusted God with his life, but that didn’t mean he didn’t cry out to Him in moments of feeling stuck or unsure.

I believe that strength comes through weakness. Sometimes we have to cry it out, and remind God of His word! Sometimes we have to speak what we believe until it becomes reality. You have to know that the enemy’s job is to keep you stuck. His job is to make you react off your feelings, and not your faith. His job is to keep you on the side of the road, with your faith tank on E. Once I got myself together, God showed Himself so strong in my life, and revealed things to me about me, even in my stuck stage. He was doing something new in me, and was using that time to do it. He needed to prepare me for the promise, and now I thank God that I am walking in it!

I will say to you today, call the tow company (heaven) and ask for a spiritual lift! Get in your word, and get filled up! Get to a church, and get filled up! Put on some worship music and fill your tank up! Cry out to God, and let Him refill you! You can come out of this, and you can endure! You win!! Your promise land is just a few more steps away! JUST KEEP walking it out! God is faithful, and He will fulfill every promise to you! Don’t give up on God, because He won’t give up on you, HE IS ABLE!

Marriage is hard work, but it is a job I wouldn’t trade for anything!

Stay blessed loves!

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2 thoughts on “Diary Of MBV, Life After Sex “Spiritually Stuck”

  1. WOW, this story has really blessed me. I am single by divorce over 10 years and I try so hard to do what is right and at times I have felt like giving up, but something just keeps pushing me. I lead the singles ministry at my church “Pure Heart Singles Ministry” and I try to help others avoid the things I went through an abusive marriage feeling unloved, heartache and pain, but I also wonder will I ever love again?? I am waiting for my Boaz but your story has given me more of hope today. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

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