Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin: Here We Grow Again- #devilisalie

I just had a baby, and I come home, and see a FORECLOSURE/AUCTION letter! Really God? This is what we are doing now? You are going to allow me to have a child, for us to be out on the streets? Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones, we will be auctioning off your house on _______date. Guess what God, the date is 10 days away from today! If we don’t come up with 6 months worth of our mortgage in 10 days, our house will be auctioned! I am so irritated right now! First, I read these books on a supernatural childbirth, and believing for a vaginal delivery, just to be told after 24 hours of labor, that I have to have a c section. So now I have to sleep in the living room for a while, until my stitches heal, because I cannot walk up and down the steps. Then, as we are on our way home from the hospital, I am thanking you for a home to bring my son to, and now that is about to be auctioned! I asked my husband, what happened to the company we hired to help us refinance our mortgage? Well, guess what God? My husband called them, and they said they had no idea our home was going to be foreclosed or auctioned, and told us the letter is fake.*I lift the letter to heaven,* does this look fake to you though? Seriously? I cannot emotionally handle this right now! We had to come up with money to pay these people to help us refinance, and they have done NOTHING! My husband called the mortgage company, and they said the letter was real, and that they told the company we hired to have us call them, but they never gave us the message. The company we hired told us that we didn’t have to pay our mortgage until our refinance process was complete, so we didn’t pay for 6 months. The mortgage company told us that was not true! This is a complete mess, and I feel so weak. Life should not have to be this hard! Being a believer should not be depressing! Being a believer should not be so complicated! I am starting to feel overwhelmed, and I am TIRED! I am tired spiritually and physically!

I am still trying to hold on to all the prophetic words that have been given to us. You guys are going to have millions..(maybe the millions they saw was in debt.) Oh what about the prophecy that this is gonna be the best year of yall’s life (LIES THEY TELL!!) I mean the best thing that happened to me was having my son, and yeah that is about it. What about the word that me and my husband would be in ministry together? (maybe they missed the word, because we are in misery together right about now) You know I feel like that single girl again who was always the bridesmaid, and never the bride for so long. Seemed like everyone who wasn’t  committed to the wait until marriage, or committed to You God seemed to get a commitment before me.  Now I feel like I am the “good girl” who is experiencing a “bad life”. What is all this for? I know people who aren’t in the faith are laughing at me saying, that poor girl. Do you want a loan? I am supposed to be the lender and not the borrower! I am tired of being tired. I know,  I know, I know that you are doing something in me, and it’s not comfortable, so I guess all I can say is, here we grow again!

Have you ever had that moment when you said FORGET THIS? Have you every said, you know what God, I am out? You know what, this God stuff ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be! I am tired of waiting! I am tired of doing good, and getting bad in return! I might as well go out there and do me! *Yes, my name is Nikea Marie, and I was that person. I was so ready to just go out and be a sinner for a good 2 months, and then ask God to forgive me when I felt like coming back.* Have you ever just got tired of doing right, and feeling like it is for nothing? God said to me, why do right if it is just to get something? You should do right because you love me. What was my motive in being a believer? Was I just serving God to get? Was I a God digger? You know those people who only call God when they want something. Using Him for his resources. What happened to the times when I would just wake up and worship God? Didn’t ask for anything, but just appreciating who He was to me. What happened to her? Life happened! Listening to the enemy happened. What God was using to strengthen me, the enemy was using to weaken me. God was strengthening my faith. God was using this as an opportunity to show Himself mighty in my life! God was using this as a glory demonstrator. How can you tell someone God healed me, but you were never sick? How can you tell someone that God was your financial source for 10 months, if you never needed him to provide for you? The enemy was using it as an opportunity to destroy me. Make me weak in my walk with God, and make me doubt all that I know to be true about who God is. I know God loves me, but when trials came, the enemy told me God didn’t love me. What kind of God would make you go through this or that. Now I can say, a God who wants you to grow up! A God that wants to see you mature in your faith. The enemy’s job is to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants  you to be so spiritually tired, that you become soulfully awake. OOOH that was a good word right there! Let me preach real quick…

When did the devil come at Jesus, and try to tempt him? If you could open your Bibles to the book of Luke 4:2 (New Living Translation) it says, He was tempted by the devil for 40 days. Jesus ate nothing all that time, and became very hungry. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I don’t eat after 40 minutes, a sister is ready to pop off! Imagine 40 days!! I would be cranky, irritated, hangry, (hungry and angry) and then some. I can imagine the devil being like, oh yeah, I got him. He’s too tired to fight now, I got Him right where I want him. HAH! Jesus was kicking  the scriptures to the enemy! IT IS WRITTEN…IT IS WRITTEN.. We be saying, in the words of Beyonce, BOY BYE! We don’t know any word though, and we wonder why it’s hard to fight the enemy; but that was not where I was going with my message. Jesus may have been physically tired, but spiritually, HE was stronger than ever. Side bar, did you ever hear Jesus say, God how come you didn’t crucify Peter? How come he gets to just be a disciple? God, how come you ain’t let me marry the chick with the Alabaster box? How come you let Moses have a wife, and not me? Why is it that I have to die though? Nobody’s story in the Bible was the same. God had a specific GPS plan for each person, just like he has a specific plan for you, so stop with comparisonitis. It is this disease where you are always comparing your life to everyone else’s! STOP IT! I just got free from that disease, and I thank God! What God has for you, it is for you. He knows when it will come, how it will come, and you just have to trust it! See, ya’ll keep taking me on detours with my message. As I was saying, it’s always when you get to that point of wanting to quit where the enemy comes in so slick. You are single, and you be like, Jesus is all I need, until you are still single 5 years later. Now, you are getting weak spiritually, because God is taking too long. I got needs Jesus! Ain’t nobody waiting no more, and BAM here comes the enemy saying, isn’t He a God of grace? He will forgive you!

We are supposed to say, IT IS WRTTEN IN ROMANS 6:1-2 (NEW LIVING) WELL THEN, SHOULD WE KEEP ON SINNING SO THAT GOD CAN SHOW US MORE AND MORE OF HIS GRACE? OF COURSE NOT! SINCE WE HAVE DIED TO SIN, HOW CAN WE CONTINUE TO LIVE IN IT? Or are we saying, I mean, He will understand! He knows a sista got needs! God does not want our lives to be difficult, but He never said we wouldn’t have trials and opposition. He said that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. 2 Cor 4:17- For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever.

 When I had my son, that temporary pain meant nothing once I saw his little handsome face come up, and cry, and I held him in my arms. All that I went through to bring him here was worth it. Sometimes the pain is necessary to produce the promises of God. We also see this with Jesus! He said not my will, but your will be done Father. He knew His present trouble of being beaten, spit on, and whipped was small compared to the glory of seeing our souls saved. The pain was necessary to produce the promise. I was becoming spiritually exhausted because all of my spirit fuel was on E. I had no desire to put any more gas in my spirit because at this moment, I felt like that car wasn’t working for me. Lets gas up the soul. Let’s put the spirit in the garage! Church, just because you get a flat, does not mean you stop driving that car. The same God who blessed you with that car, is the same God who will take care of you when the tire gets flat. But sometimes it takes the tire being flat, so God can show you that He is your air! Oh, I am preaching on today, but I am getting ready to close church, (hah), but the point of my message is, (hah) be God’s ride or die (hah) Ya’ll don’t hear me! Ride with Him, until the end (hah) Don’t let that devil, (hah) talk you out of destiny! (hah) Don’t let that devil (hah) discourage you (hah). Tell your neighbor (hah) In the words of my brother from another mother, (hah) Travis Green (hah) All things are working for your good! Slap your neighbor and say He’s intentional (hah) Never failing! He won’t fail! He can’t fail! He won’t let you down! Somebody say YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  The doors of the church are open! Is there one? LOL!!

In all seriousness, God uses even the bad to work together for our good! I will tell you more of what happened with our home next week, but just know we are still in our house, and God showed up yet again!! I am telling you He ain’t nothing but the truth, and the devil ain’t nothing but a lie. #thedevilisalie

I wrote a song called “The Devil Is a Lie” inspired by Adele’s song, “Hello”. Check it out!

 

   WHO IS THAT GIRL? OH IT IS STILL ME, NIKKI B! 

 

Styling and profiling on em! I know we all like to rock a different look every now and then, so if you don’t want to spend all your coins on a full weave, girl just get you a full wig. They make wigs so versatile now! You can leave some of your hair out in the front, and rock that hair like it is yours honey! YASSSSS! You can get a wig for $25 at your local beauty supply store. Now, if you are not a professional wig wearer, don’t try and wear this in the wind. If it is windy out there, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, put on your wig. They won’t be singing the wind beneath my wings, but the wind blew off my wig! Don’t go telling people that Nikki told me to wear this wig, no Nikki didn’t. Read it again! DO NOT WEAR THE WIG IN THE WIND!! Now, if you are a professional wig wearer, and you know how to pin that baby down, and tighten them straps, then all means go for it! You don’t have to spend a million bucks, to look like a million bucks! Ain’t nothing wrong with switching it up on em every now and then, but please make sure you wear your bobby pins! I love you, that is why I am here to help you! For more tips on hair, makeup, and styles, follow me!

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