Diary Of A Mad Black Virgin: Here We Grow Again #healthyrelationship

God, I need you to call the whole squad right now because I am about to lose it. Tweet Jesus, Facebook message the Holy Spirit, Instagram the angels, like I need everyone on their post. Ever since we almost lost our house, my husband has been ubering his life away. He wakes up at 11 AM and leaves the house around noon, comes home around midnight, showers and goes back to sleep, and then the next day, he does it all over again. Hello husband, did you forget that we have a newborn baby to look after?

I am in this house pretty much all day by myself. The baby’s schedule is crazy, and I am completely exhausted. I understand that he is trying to do what he has to do to provide, but what about providing his attention? What about providing a diaper or a bottle? Am I being selfish? Am I not being a team player? I know he doesn’t want us to ever go through what we just went through again, but this is too much! I am sorry but, I didn’t sign up to live right, be a virgin, get married, have sex, and become a single mama who is married. If we keep going like this, our relationship is not going to make it. I know the recipe for a healthy relationship is communication, but God, I have a feeling that I am going to pop off. You know I struggle with communication. It’s either I say nothing, or I say too much! There is no in between. I don’t want to hurt his feelings so God, let’s practice on what I should say. Honey, I appreciate all that you do, but dang, you only making $100 in 12 hours. Nah, that isn’t good. Honey, I know that you are trying, but I need help too. I am still recovering from my  c-section surgery, and I can’t do it all. I didn’t make this baby alone, so I shouldn’t have to care for him alone. Nah, that isn’t good either. Babe look, I know that you are the head of this household, and I appreciate all that you do. I don’t want you to think that I am complaining, but I would really appreciate it if we could come to a fair compromise here. I know you have put out job applications on every website in the world, and for whatever reason, nothing seems to be coming your way. I am sure this is a tough place to be in not only as a man, but also a husband, and now a new father. I can only imagine what you are going through, but babe we are in this together. God is making us completely uncomfortable in this season, but we cannot fall apart. We need each other more now than ever. I would love if we could sit down and come up with a strategic plan that works for the both of us. UGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!  God, I need you to give me wisdom, and I need you to help me communicate my heart without being insensitive to his. I don’t know what is going on, but all I can say is, Here We Grow Again!  


When I was growing up, it was so hard for me to communicate. My mom used to tell me not to talk back after an adult, so after someone older spoke to me, I would just walk away and be quiet. I never learned how to communicate properly. When I got married, my husband would try and talk to me, and instead of speaking up, I would go upstairs to my room and be quiet, or hold it all in and explode! We went to counseling because I struggled with communication. I remembered one day, my mom said something to me, and I exploded. It was like I kept it all in, and popped off at the wrong time, and on the wrong person! I had to learn that it was ok to talk about how I felt in a respectful way, because holding all of that in was unhealthy. Communication is a key ingredient to a healthy relationship. I spoke to my husband and explained how I felt, and we decided to compromise. He still went out to uber, but he wouldn’t do it as late. He would only drive on certain days so I could rest, and he would make sure to be in the house at a certain time to make sure we didn’t lose us in the process. I explained to him how hard it was trying to do it all by myself, and I was frustrated. He apologized, and everything started to become better. Thank God I expressed my heart in love, and he expressed his heart in love as well. I was so happy because holding all that in was stressful. 

I also learned that it was OK to talk to God about my TRUE feelings as well. He can handle them, and help me through them. Sometimes the saints can make you feel that you always have to be ON. How are you? Blessed of the Lord! How was your day? Glorious! What is going on? Nothing because I have the Lord on my side. Knowing good and well you about to lose your mind, you just just lost a family member, you are still single and irritated, your kids acting a mess, your car just got repossessed, and so on and so on. It is OK to be honest about your feelings. I love my man David in the Bible! He had a healthy relationship with God, and he would always tell God his truth, but then he would end with praise.

Psalms 42:9-11 (NLT) O God my rock, I cry, Why have you forgotten me? Why, must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies? Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, Where is this God of yours? Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again, my Savior and my God. Notice that David began this Psalm with his truth, BUT ended with God’s truth and continued to praise even in the midst of his hurt and disappointment. It is normal to get discouraged and disappointed, but as you reflect on who God is, you remember that you can trust Him through every hurt and every disappointment. Don’t dismiss your feelings, and hold them all in, that isn’t a healthy spiritual relationship either. If you were David, what would your scripture say? God, what’s up? Have you forgotten me? Why am I still waiting on a man? Why did you allow this situation to happen to me? Why am I so discouraged? My family laughs at me and says, where is this God of yours? If He is real, why do you keep asking me for money? If he is real, why didn’t He answer your prayers? My heart is so sad God! BUT through it all, I will still put my hope in you! Yet will I praise you, my Savior and my God! God can handle your truth boo, but just make sure you can handle His TRUTH as well! He says 1 John 5:14-This is the CONFIDENCE which we have before Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us! John 15:7- If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you! You have to exercise your faith in order to have a healthy relationship with God. If I prayed it, believe that it’s already done! I may not see it, but I believe! Keep pushing, Keep pressing, and Keep praising!

Until Next Week Love Bugs!!



What’s up family! As you can see, your girl Nikki B, which is me, is ready to get fit for the spring/summer you see! I know you heard the rhyming skills right there! LOL

I am wearing my waist trainer that you can purchase from Ross, TJ Maxx, or WalMart for $5. The waist trainer is basically a faith trainer. It allows you to see what your waist can become before it actually becomes that. But, they said faith is something you can’t see, so make sure you put that trainer underneath your clothes, that way nobody can see that your waist really looks like this. (DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT MY WAIST) This is why I call it a faith trainer. She is wearing this until her stomach becomes what she believes. WON’T HE DO IT! TURN TO YOUR NEIGHBOR AND SAY FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!!

In order to be healthy, we can’t just exercise, and eat whatever we want. You won’t get that great of a result if you just do that! I have to activate my faith, but the Bible also says faith without works is dead. So look to your neighbor and say, I gotta WORK on having better portion control, so I won’t need this waist control anymore. One thing I decided to do was, prepare my meals for the week. Meal prepping helps you have portion control, and it also helps you with money control. You can save your money by not eating out all the time when you have your meals already prepared, and you can see how many calories are in your meals. Come on church!! We are going to be tight and right for the summer, and remember, I am here for you boo!! We are all in this together! For more health, fashion, and beauty tips, follow me!

     @Nikki Brown (Facebook) @Nikki_Nikkay (Instagram)










Instagram/Twitter/Periscope: @NikeaMarie313/ @PrettyGirlsWait


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