Diary Of Mad Black Virgin “Conversation On Fleek”

Well God,

Looks like this dude is just amazing and then some, let me tell you what happened. So, after my breakdown in the bathroom, I finally walk to the table. Are you ok? He asks. Yes, I am great, Why? You have been in the bathroom for 10 minutes. Oh Lord Jesus, how embarrassing. He probably thought I was in there doing the number 2. I l will laugh it off! Ha ha ha ha, oh no, I was fixing my hair! You know trying to make sure I was cute. Well you look great to me, he says. Please don’t blush girl, ain’t nobody got time for these player lines. Well thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself I said. What do you think you would like to eat? He asked. Pause** I am starving, but I am not going to be eating no big meal in front of him. I will eat my real food when I get home. Dang! What exactly do we have to eat at home? Oh, them pork chops and them potatoes, BOOM! Play** I will just have a salad, I said. That is it? He asked. Yes, I am not that hungry (lying like I don’t know what). Now God, here comes the conversation.

Tell me some things about you, he asked. Well, I like singing, music, Gospel music of course, and I enjoy having fun, laughing, amusement parks, and I love surprises. I am a teacher, and I love working with kids. I want to be a full time singer, and at some point do ministry full time. What are some things you enjoy? I asked. I enjoy everything you said, except singing, I don’t do that, I do like to hum though, and I just graduated with my degree in Business Management. Wow, I said, so you can be my music manager when I blow up on the music scene huh? I sure can, he said with a smile. Too bad my mom has that covered, my smart mouth said.  He laughed and said, you told me huh? Don’t nobody want to manage you no way, he said. Ooh you tried me huh? We both laughed, and I said, seriously, I want someone who will not be jealous of my career, but can support me, and I support him. I have been in too many relationships with men who don’t understand what I do. They don’t realize that I do have to work with guys in the studio, but that does not mean I am trying to get with them. I want to be with a man who won’t make me choose my career or him. That has been a major down fall in previous relationships.

So God, I do not even know how I started talking about what I wanted in a man, I felt so forward. Is there a rule book, or a guide, on how to talk to a Godly man in a Godly relationship? What is allowed and what is not allowed from the female’s perspective? I guess I need to write it huh? Anyway, he then says, if a man can’t trust his woman, then there is no need to be in that relationship. First of all, I would not be concerned, because the fact that you have waited for your spouse all these years shows me that you can be trusted. I look at your character, and your heart, and you have a genuine spirit about you. You are so innocent, and so pure, and you should be handled with care, and of course any man would love to be with you, but you are the type of woman who is sincere and down for her man. You should never allow anyone to make you choose between your dream, and their ego. The dream should win every time. I would never make my woman choose between her dreams and our relationship. Your dream is my dream, and my job is to help you fulfill it, not make you feel bad for having it.

God, I wanted to yell, is there a Pastor in the restaurant? Oh God, is there one?? Can we get to the altar oh Father? Where, oh where is the marriage license? Father, I know you know all my thoughts, and I can only imagine what you thought about all the thoughts that were running through my head. I repent Father for all the things you saw me do to that man in my mind. Forgive me Oh gracious King! I am back, my thoughts are back! Well, I am sure you are going to make an amazing husband one day. Your wife is going to be a blessed woman. Now God, I knew I was talking about myself, but he will never know that. He says, and I am more than sure you will make an amazing wife. Well, the food was ordered, and we kept talking, and stayed until the restaurant closed. We got to the car, and I didn’t even care about the car. I wasn’t tripping about his broke down, busted automobile. I think I imagined it being a Lexus, and did not even worry about it!  We pull up to my house, and he says, I had a great time. Me too, I said. So, then he asks the famous question, what are you doing tomorrow? Really God? Why does he keep asking me to hang everyday? What is happening here? Does he like me or nah? I don’t know, but tell me God what to say? Should I say Yes Or No? Will I look pressed saying yes? Should I make him miss me? Here we are again! I need to hear from you!

#MBV

You know you all have to wait until next week to see if I said Yes or No! BUT……

The one thing I love about my relationship with God is that I could talk to Him about any and everything. Every decision I made, before I made it, I would check in with God. When I was having those “hot” moments, I would ask God to HELP, and He always came through. Every feeling I had that was contrary to what God said to me, I would talk to God about it, and He gave me peace. I had to ask God to help me renew my mind everyday. The thoughts of what was done to me in past relationships, or maybe not feeling worthy of this man, or saying this is too good to be true. Why can’t I have what God had for me? He promised it to me, so why was I doubting it?

1 Chronicles 16:11- Seek the Lord and His strength, seek His face continually. Whenever I felt weak, He gave me strength. Whenever I felt afraid, He calmed me. I encourage you all to seek God, and continually ask Him for guidance. Before you do anything, pray and ask God for His direction. He will be with you every step of the way. My relationship with God was tight before the man came, and I was determined to keep it that way even when the man came into the picture. A relationship should draw you closer to God, not replace Him. Stay encouraged love bugs, and KEEP GOD FIRST!

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